Homeschooling and what I've learned about myself

Homeschooling...it's kind of a loaded subject. I've homeschooled for 3 years now and I've met those who believe public school is incompetent at best and evil at worst and homeschooling is the only way to truly educate kids and I've met those who believe homeschoolers are weirdos whose kids will grow up to be so socially retarded they will have no hope at a normal life. Of course they are both right as one can always find people at both ends of any spectrum. Of course they are also both wrong, very wrong. Most homeschoolers are very normal and well adjusted people and most public schoolers are very normal and well adjusted people. In my family we both homeschool and public school and are most certainly not well adjusted or normal people.

For quite a while I held a secret interest in homeschooling and an admiration for people who do it while at the same time considering that I did not have the guts to do it myself. That is, until we moved back from Taiwan and my oldest had a horrendous year in second grade that demolished his budding and childish self-esteem. Then I found I had plenty of guts and began homeschooling without reservation and in the face of quite a few who thought I was making a serious mistake. To be completely fair, I do not think the school system was to blame. Rune had lived in Taiwan from 3 to 7 years old. He had gone to 3 years of school in Taiwan. He was at a point where he was beginning to prefer Chinese to English. He was essentially, socially Taiwanese. However, we all blithely assumed, being American, he would have no troubles transitioning to American school and peers. In short, we were wrong. If you remember, he is also my worrier, an attribute that did not stand out in the Taiwanese culture but became a large problem here. So we started homeschooling.

I discovered quickly that I have no aptitude for homeschooling. I have no patience and essentially no desire to spend my whole morning teaching. And I have even less patience and desire to come up with things like science or art projects. If I ever tried it was always a disaster due to the toddlers and/or babies of the house considering the project an opportunity for their favorite pasttime-destruction. I rapidly gave up all pretense of being any good at homeschooling and left off "teaching" and all crafts or projects. This made Rune and I both much happier. We fell into a routine of Rune working alone and only coming to me if he had a question. When he was done I would check his work and he would correct it and we called it a day. In the beginning he naturally had a tendency to waste time and want to play and I would have to continually remind (threaten) him to keep working. Then he discovered that if he worked diligently he could be done well before lunch time and would therefore be free the rest of the day. We joined a homeschooling group that met once a week and enjoyed it a lot. It worked for us and after the first year he didn't want to go back to school and I felt he could still use some time off to be comfortable with himself before he tried public school again so we went a second year.

After the second year, I felt it was time to go back to school for several reasons. One, he was envious of his brother having friends and was beginning to miss social interactions with his peers. He didn't want to go back to school but I felt that it was not because he loved to be homeschooled but that he was afraid to "fail" at public school. I didn't want him not going to school because he was afraid of it and I really thought he had enough confidence now to do well. Second, I began to feel that academically he might suffer. He was doing well in all his workbooks and I rarely had to help him understand concepts, but (as I've mentioned) since I stink at homeschooling he definitely was lacking in things like science projects, arts and crafts, writing projects and field trips.

During this second year I began to notice that my second child was a slacker at school. He often forgot homework, his writing was atrocious and his reading below par. He blamed everything on either the teacher or me. We were supposed to keep track of everything for him and his lost homework was never his own fault. I thought how Rune worked so diligently on his own and perceived that Eliseo could benefit from the same lesson. So Rune went to school and Elie stayed home.

Hoo boy, is Elie a different child than his brother. It took him six months to learn what his brother learned in one. Namely, that if you just sit down and DO THE WORK, then it will get done and your mom will stop yelling at you and you can go play. Sure, I could have sat next to him all morning and by force of my presence he would have kept working and gotten done just fine. But I didn't want that. I wanted him to be self-reliant. I wanted him to stop thinking that his education is "the teacher's" responsibility and consider that he is the master of what he learns. He wasn't interested in that lesson and I will spare you the gory details of how I finally taught it to him, if, in fact, he has actually learned it. It remains that he now almost always finishes before noon and so he will be going back to public school after summer break.

Now, with just a month left of school I begin to reflect on what I've learned about my kids, myself and what I really think about homeschooling. This is what I've learned about myself. I am most emphatically not a good homeschooler. I don't enjoy it. I feel that if I devote as much attention as I should to the "student" that I run the risk of doing a disservice to my younger kids who, I feel, have a more legitimate claim to my attentions. I have interests-exercise, reading, studying Chinese, surfing the net etc-that I (selfishly) am not willing to relinquish in order to accompany my child all morning in his studies. Most importantly, I've learned that when it comes to teaching I am MUCH too hard on my kids. I expect them to be like myself, i.e. academically gifted and diligent. Academics was my forte. Getting A's was what I did better than almost anything else. Academics came relatively easily to me and I worked harder at it than other things because I loved to. It is satisfying to do something you are really good at and I expected my kids to have that same drive and satisfaction. Guess what, they don't. I think I may have influenced them to a certain degree and Rune may have some of it on his own but they still can't live up to my expectations. And it drives me bananas!!! I know my expectations are my own problem and I can't foist them off on my kids but it grates on me all morning to see Eliseo make mistakes that I know darn well he shouldn't be making and only makes because he chooses not to focus as diligently as I would. And (I can barely even write this) because he could care less if he gets a few problems wrong. He doesn't even do that badly, it's all me and my ridiculously high expectations that I have of myself and therefore think HE should have for HIMSELF. Really, it makes me want to scream and it's probably not fair of me to put either of us through this.

What I've learned about my kids. Rune is stronger than he thought he was. It took him much longer to find friends than he'd hoped and he had several months of feeling that he was the 'weird' kid at school, but he plodded along and didn't let it get him down and now he enjoys school a lot and has several friends. I really feel that the two years off from public school gave him the breather that he needed and the opportunity to define himself without the external pressure of peers. I don't believe every kid needs this, but he did. I've learned that Eliseo is basically Alvin the Chipmunk (this was pointed out by my sister and it is so true). He is often unfocused and can be supremely annoying and has a tendency to not listen to authority (not to be rebellious but just because he is too much interested in the fun he is having), but at the same time he is the guy everyone wants to be friends with because he is so much fun. He is the 'center' of our group of kids. If any of them have an accomplishment or some cool thing they want to share they ALL go to Eliseo first. He has proven to me that he can be diligent and has made great strides in taking charge of himself and not deferring responsibility to others.

What do I think about homeschooling? I've perused the books and my conclusion is that the very same information found in them is found in public school books. Kids have the same opportunity to learn the same information whether in homeschool or public school. What they do with that opportunity is the rub. It is undoubtedly easier for a child to slink into the corners of public school and not take advantage of this opportunity. Homeschool is an advantage in this respect. If, however, a child can be taught to teach himself then he can learn everything there is to learn from either setting. I know there are those that feel that homeschooling has the advantage of letting a child learn faster--if they are capable and so inclined. But, for myself, I don't feel that there is really any advantage in moving so far ahead of your peers. Most people will end up at the same point eventually. Kids that learn to read at two years old will not necessarily be better readers than their peers by sixth grade. They may even be surpassed by some that didn't learn to read until kindergarten because the other child may have an aptitude or an insatiable interest in reading. I lived in a culture where kids were routinely pushed to their limits and far surpassed American kids academically in grades 1-12. Interestingly, no one homeschools in Taiwan (that I know of) and yet the students there are very academically competent. This is because Taiwanese parents and teachers expect A LOT out of the students and the students, therefore, put A LOT of effort into their studies. I've known quite a few elementary students spend 4-6 hours a day on cram schools and homework after regular school was over. However, once they got into college they relaxed. They basically considered college to be a breeze, whereas Americans generally consider college to be where they are really challenged. The result being that by the end of college they are at the same point. I found Taiwanese professionals to be just as competent as Americans, not more or less. Skipping a few grades does not make a genius. A genius will come out in whatever setting they are placed. A child that is "bored" at school because it is so easy for them can be challenged at home in so many other ways by their parents. I wouldn't worry so much about skipping them ahead a grade in school, but rather encourage them with other challenges at home. Like learning a foreign language or reading a Russian author or discussing world affairs at dinner or playing a musical instrument or all of the above. Intelligence is so much more than being able to do 4th grade math in 3rd grade. I could be wrong about that, though.

Note: I forgot to mention that I do think a child may be so academically gifted that the pace of public school bores them and they will either start trouble making or will become known as the "know-it-all" and be disliked. Homeschool can be helpful to these kids because they could work at their own pace at home, finish as early as they pleased and then have free time for other pursuits.

I also feel that public school offers distinct advantages after elementary school. Not every parent can become expert in English, Spanish, Math, Chemistry, Physics, Sports, History, Computers etc. But in public school kids have an opportunity to be taught by teachers that specialize in these subjects and therefore have an opportunity to learn great things from them if they will take advantage of it. It seems easier to me to teach my kids to want to learn from those teachers and how to get the most from them rather than trying to become expert in every subject myself (which would be impossible anyway). Of course, if they are motivated enough, they can learn these things from books since the authors of the books are experts themselves. Which they may have to do anyway since, unfortunately, some teachers are as lame in the classroom as I am at home. Also, public school offers equipment that cannot be matched at home unless you are wealthy. Chemistry labs, physics labs, biology labs, access to expensive computer drafting and photography software etc. In short, I don't think I would attempt to homeschool past elementary school unless my child was having a really tough time at school or otherwise getting himself into trouble. Of course I will let my kids know that at the first whiff of illegal or morally reprehensible behavior (you know, like drugs or teenage sex) I will drag them out of school kicking and screaming and lock them in the house with a pile of homeschool books.

And thus, ends my epistle on homeschooling. I have purged my brain and feel much better.

The Garden

This post is entirely boring and written merely so I can remember what and where I planted things in my garden, because if I write it down anywhere else I will either lose it or forget where it is.

Rows listed from grass side, not fence side.

1. ta-mei hwa daikon
2. kohlrabi
3. kohlrabi
4. "Hybrid one kilo" bai tsai
5. li sun sweet cabbage
6. broad leaf mustard green/nan fong mustard green
7. san-ho mustard green
8. lettuce
9. Taichung 13 edible podded sugar pea?
10. dwarf grey sugar pea?
11. dou miao pea shoots? (totally unsure of order of peas)
12. ta-mei hwa daikon/cilantro
13. kaoshiung chang dou
14. kaoshiung chang dou
15. suhyo long cucumber (plus on thai eggplant on end)
16. hybrid tasty queen cucumber

To be continued as weather warms.

This video kills me

I don't really know why.

I like the song and it makes me giggle at the same time.

I think it sounds sort of hauntingly Wuthering Heights-ish, but it makes me giggle at the same time.

The part at the end where she is waving her arm around makes me outright laugh.

I also like to routinely imitate the part where she squats down with her arms outstretched toward the camera and then abruptly pops up and circles both arms above her head while gyrating her hips. It's how I amuse myself.

Who can find the Napolean Dynamite move? Hint: It's around 1:37.

Book Review: Finished

After 3 1/2 weeks I'm finally finished. I completely neglected my kids and house but I have no regrets. It's one of the best books I've ever read. All the while I was reading I was saying to myself, "She's almost as good as Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky [my favorite authors]." Then, when googling her, I was not entirely surprised to find that she was Russian by birth and American by choice. She's not quite as good as her fellow Russians at character development and a certain literary quaility that I define to myself as mundane clarity, at which Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky are masters. But she is definitely better than most and her philosophy is amazingly persuasive. I feel like I used to feel in college when I learned something new from someone great. How I used to feel when I learned something from Newton or Mendell--admiration for their ability to discover and pride in my ability to understand.

The book was originally described to me as political but I found it to be much more philosophical. Ostensibly, it follows the descent of America into Socialism and its destruction by its twisted moral code sped along by the voluntary removal of men of ability from society. Underneath, the novel is a vehicle for the declaration of her personal moral philosophy which is what gave the characters a bit of an allegorical feel. She's a brilliant essayist but almost as brilliant at fiction as she made a very powerful love story out of logical thinking scientists and industrialists.

I said before that it seemed she was saying that the only honest and true thing was industrialism but by the end she goes way beyond that to proclaim that the highest values are human achievement and human self-esteem.

She changed several of my opinions that I'd believed I solidly held, she also strengthened others by naming and clarifying the reasons behind them. One of her surprising feats is that she strengthened and clarified the principles of my religion even though she was vehemently opposed to organized religion. Not so surprising, though, if you go by the tenet that truth supports truth. A tenet I think she would agree with as one of her philosophical absolutes is that A=A, or exsistence exists. Another surprise is that although she demolished, for the most part, my Socialist leanings, her philosophy of government supports my endorsement of a government health care system and explains why it has worked in other free countries. I don't know if she would agree with that. :)

In conclusion, if you want to be wowed by a piece of literature and can afford to vacate yourself from life for about a month then read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

Disclaimer: Several of my co-book clubbers thoroughly disliked the book and didn't continue to read it after the first third. One was already passionately a lazy fair capitalist (I know I spelled that wrong, I just like to) and felt the book was overkill on opinions she already held. However, I think she gave up too early as the book goes far beyond pro-capitalism/anti-Socialism into a complete philosophy on the morality of life. Plus the plot just gets more interestingly action thrillerish as the book goes on. Another, couldn't go past some early disturbing references to sex. Again, I think she gave up too early as these early disturbing references were made not to endorse their smuckiness but to later pinpoint their disturbingness. Although, I will say that I, also, am not a fan of sex in literature and that while I can see the necessity of the references to her point, those references could have been more vague to the same effect.

Book Review: Atlas Shrugged

This is the book I'm reading for book club this month. It's 1100 pages so it's debatable whether I will finish it on time. It is, apparently, a classic, although I've never heard of it before. Which only means I'm hopelessly uninformed because it absolutely reads like a classic.

The forward, written by some Ayn Rand expert, mentions that she believes strongly in objectivism. I'm not sure what that entails yet, because he also warns that if you continue reading the forward it will ruin the book by revealing its surprises. So I didn't read any more of the forward. But I'm looking forward to reading it in the future because I am interested in what Ayn Rand is getting at in her book. She very obviously has an agenda. She is an excellent writer so her characters are complex enough to be real, and yet they have the box-y feel of an allegory.

So far, I disagree strongly with her seeming premise, which ,as far as I can tell, is that the only real and honest thing is industrialism. Progress. The unabashed quest for money. Her best characters belong in this camp. Her weak and pitiable characters are in the camp of philanthropy and social consciousness. And yet they aren't, because it's apparent that they only give lip service to those ideals. Truly, they desire power and money as much as the strong characters, but they are too weak to be true to the "industrial ideal" and their sin lies in the fact that they hide their jealousy and weakness behind a false "good of society" attitude.

The allegory seems to follow an Adam Smith path. Namely, "by pursuing his own interest, [the individual] frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he intends to promote it."

In other words those who claim to promote the interest of society are hypocrites and will cause harm to society in the end. And those who openly operate on the principle of self-interest ultimately further the good of society and are the better people because they are true to their natures.

However, I am only 100 pages into the book. Which means I still have 10/11 ths of the book to read, which means that I fully expect that Ms. Rand is not so predictable that she would allow me to figure out the whole premise of the book in the first 100 pages and that I will have to change my opinion in the future.

To be continued.......

In honor of Valentine's Day

I would now like to recount the touching story of Grant's and my engagement.

Grant had made it clear many times that he would like to get married. And though I loved him and we'd talked of marriage in our future I had made it clear that I wasn't ready to go there (as in engagement) yet. You see, getting engaged was just embarrassing. BYU was over for the regular school year and I was off to Texas for a 10 week Molecular Biology camp thingie. Grant and I tearfully said our goodbyes for the duration of the summer. Then my mother came to Utah (I can't remember why) and we were driving to my grandparent's house. Mom, like all moms, dug for details on my life and I confessed that Grant and I would probably get married, maybe December.... Then, Mom proceeded to tell me how summer is such a better time. More people could attend, weather wouldn't be an issue, there is only a two week Christmas vacation between semesters, etc., etc. In the end I agreed to get married in the summer. Let me make this abundantly clear. My mother talked me into getting married. We got to my grandparents house, I called Grant and said, "Um, do you want to get married this summer after I get back from Molecular Biology camp." And Grant said, "Are you serious?" And that was how it happened. I know you are all reeling from the romanticism.

Now, before you go and feel all guilty, Mom, I would like to assert that Grant is very happy for your intervention.
Hee hee.

Hooray for leaky borders!

Yeah, I know the economic problems caused by the influx of our Southern neighbors and that's not so great. But, on the other hand, the vast increase in the numbers of Mexicans in our country means we now have a prayer of getting decent food, even in rural America. I found pig's feet at our local (extremely) small town supermarket and fixed them for dinner. It was a good day.

P.S. If you're not jealous, you should be.