What do you do with neighbors who

refuse to take your homemade Christmas treats delivered to their door in the holiday spirit by your cute and guile-less eight year old daughter?

At least they didn't scream at her but merely sent her packing with a curt, "No thanks, we don't need any."

It's surprising how much it smarts to be disliked so vehemently.

Grant and I are both really un-festive when it comes to putting up Christmas lights on the house. As in, we have never done it and have never wanted to. I really don't know what Grant's reasons are, but for myself it is the frigid weather. I'm already so cold inside the house that I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would purposely go outside the house for hours to do a project when they don't have to. Eliseo, however, is dying to have Christmas lights on the house and has been trying to convince us for days that it is a worthwhile effort. When I picked him up from Scouts tonight he tried a new plug.

Eliseo (pointing to a festive house): See! We need to do our house like that. It's just so....attractive!

I really can't convey it in writing but the way he pronounced the word attractive is still making me laugh. It was a convincing enough argument that I may let him have a go at it himself and see what he comes up with.

Ode to Winter Hatred 2011

When Hell freezes over

It really will be

Hell.

Summer was fun. We went to the cabin in Colorado. We went to Oregon for a month. We visited the coast, something we haven't done in 10 years. I got to see my sister Rachel, which I haven't done in two years. I got to spend a lot of time with my cool sis in law, Elyn, and it was super fun getting to know her better. I took tons of pictures and some video, but we all know how much I can't stand uploading pictures so use your imagination. (You are permitted, while you are using your imagination, to picture me looking exactly the same as I did about 15 years ago.)

My highlights:

We were blessedly away from our psychotic neighbor for most of the summer.
There was help with dinner and clean up every night.
Jogging in the perfect temperature of an Eastern Oregon early morning under the shade of trees.
Garage sale-ing with my mom and sisters.

The kids' highlights:

Not having to practice piano for six weeks.
Having to change clothes only once every three days or so.
The dessert marathon that was Grandma's house.
Cousins, cousins, cousins!

Now we are back in school. Rune at Jr. High, which he loves. I am so happy that he is having such a great time. Eliseo and Lily at homeschool. We are doing K12 this year. We'll see how it goes. Alma and Violet manage to decrease our productivity by about 50% every day which is not exactly fun, but it can be funny.

I've recently developed an intense interest in investing and acquiring assets. I've always been a scientist at heart and never thought I would have any interest in financial matters, but it's been very fun so far. I even bought the book Investing Online for Dummies. Rune was very proud of me. He said, "Hey! You bought one of those Dummies books!" Even if I never become a savvy investor I'm thoroughly enjoying learning something entirely new.

You notice I haven't mentioned Grant. That is because archaeologists disappear into the 'field' during the summer. (You must mentally say the word field in a mysterious voice.) As far as Grant is concerned I think our summerly interaction largely consisted of me nagging him about sunscreen, long sleeved shirts and wide brimmed hats. As much as I hate winter it will be nice to see Grant again (and WITHOUT a sunburn). I can't say how much he will enjoy seeing me, though, after all my nagging!

Lastly, just this Saturday I had the awesome experience of meeting Billy Blanks. Who, for those of you who don't know, is the creator of Tae Bo. Although he was unaware of it, he and I go waaaay back. For about 7 years I stayed in shape through two of his DVD's. The Basic one when pregnant and the Advanced one when not pregnant. Billy Blanks and his blue (Basic video) and red (Advanced video) singlets are permanently etched in my brain. Unfortunately, he no longer wears singlets.

Mother's Day 2011

1. The kids had to be reminded that it was Mother's Day when it became obvious that they didn't remember and/or care.
2. They spent all day disobeying me.
3. I made a deal with Grant that he was excused from Mother's Day dinner duties if he would go work on the basement. He readily agreed, then went and took a 3 hour nap. Just when I was about to strangle him awake he popped out of bed and worked on the basement.
4. Over dinner I tried to give the kids a mighty guilt trip about my mistreatment. Only Rune was moved to real sorrow. Lily unapologetic-ally and glibly promised to serve me faithfully for the rest of the week. Then, after dinner, she threw a fit when I asked her to practice piano.
5. I went to bed laughing and not looking forward to the day when my house will only be full of echoes and Grant will be the only one around for me to boss.

My favorite kid's media

Not in any particular order.

Pingu

He is exasperating and loveable at the same time. Just like a real kid! The lack of coherent dialogue is completely made up for by simplicty and exaggerated body language. The kids (and okay, Grant and I) have all enjoyed mimicking the babble and, often through tricks of sound and mind, have found 'coherent' words from all languages that we know. The fact that the episodes are only 5 mintues long is also a plus. If the kids are begging to watch TV but you don't particularly want them to be vegging in front of a screen, the solution is simple: "Okay you can watch two episodes of Pingu." They feel like they've scored and so do you!

www.uptoten.com

Boowa and Kwala are hands down my favorite choice for toddler computer time. It is innocent fun at its best. The site is so simple, fun and catchy that I often play along with the kids. Or at least watch them play. They have a huge selection of super simple games and songs. Boowa and Kwala have been part of our family dynamics since Rune was probably four years old and I've never gotten tired of them. An added bonus: If you have a desire to teach your kids French, the site can be toggled between English and French.

Teletubbies

Toddlers love repetition and Teletubbies gives them plenty of it. When it comes to a fun activity a small child's favorite word is "again!" and the Teletubbies are all over that philosophy. They do everything at least twice. I appreciate so much that this show moves at a baby's pace and not the parent's. An aside: Rune and Eliseo watched this show quite a bit in Taiwan and all of us learned a fair amount of Chinese from it. It is usually very difficult to learn a language from TV but since the Teletubbies talk so simply, use a lot of context, and repeat so often it is an ideal language learning tool for small kids.

Kipper

On Netflix one reviewer of this show called it the "Seinfeld" of toddler shows since the episodes are about essentially nothing. But 'nothing' is our relative adult term for very important happenings in a child's world. I've tested this out on Violet. At various and random times I would ask, "What does Kipper do?" She always gets a big smile on her face and is never without a ready answer. "He goes outside." "He finds Tiger." "He swings on the swings." In her world view Kipper does lots of things. I've also really enjoyed listening to my kids try to imitate their British accents.

Backyardigans

Alma recently discovered this show himself on Netflix. I had never seen it before. The premise is a group of kids who use their imaginations to make all sorts of adventures in their backyards. But the real beauty of the show is the music. So far I think we've experienced every genre of music except rap. If someone knows of a rap episode I'd love the find it. My favorite episode so far is the chef/ninja/great pie episode. This show has inspired my kids to try and use their imaginations more and I imagine it could really inspire a musically talented kid.

Spongebob Squarepants

Spongebob is honest, hard-working, good-humored, good-natured, non-judgemental and completely without guile. He looks on the bright side of everything and the good side of everybody. He is such a welcome departure from the rest of cartoondom that is rife with sarcasm, half-snide quips and a universal disrespect for authority based on the premise that all parent/teacher figures are dumb and/or ridiculous. I also appreciate that it avoids the good guys vs. evil nemesis story line. The closest Spongebob has to an evil nemesis is, I guess, Squidward, but he's not evil, just obstinately bad-humored. And more often than not he gravitates towards Spongebob's happy and fun antics in spite of himself.

Although Easter is past I don't think it is too late to share this song that I think does a good job of conveying some of the feelings that we should feel about the Atonement.

However, I do take issue with the chorus. I think God does love us for who we can become. I understand JJ Heller's meaning, though--that He doesn't love us for who we become as compared to other people. I will never become (spiritually speaking) what some people will become, but I feel loved for my own personal potential. I hope I love my own kids that way.

Anyhoo, here's the song.

Somehow Lily is the only family member prone to black eyes. This was day two. I think day four was the worst. We're almost on day 14 now and it's finally back to looking approximately like this again.

I've started giving Alma piano lessons. I thought If all those five year olds on YouTube can play Bach, then dadgummit, my four year old should be able to play Old MacDonald! I can't stand how cute he is sitting there on his own plunking out his little tunes.

My diapering days are over! I was happy about this until I realized it means that I no longer have a baby. Then I cried. It's still a manic depressive subject for me. Will all her milestones do this to me????

My mom likes to collect vintage patterns from yard sales. This is one of them. The embroidery around the hem is hand done.

This is our grown up deacon on his way to church to pass the sacrament for the first time. Sniff...I'm so proud of you, Grant. Just kidding. He looked so earnest and cute in his white shirt and high water pants. Seriously, the kid's legs grow like bamboo. He's got the legs of a sixteen year old and the torso of a twelve year old, a pre-teen form of awkwardness that is only accentuated by a tucked in shirt. Every Sunday I giggle and then hug him and wish he would just stop growing up already.

Little League !?!

I've never had a child in little league before. We've had brief forays into soccer, basketball and football. But this little league stuff is serious. I guess it is the All-American sport (um..Is it? I just said that when really I know almost nothing about any sport). First off, we are only in "Pre-Season." Using my terrific grammar skills I take this to mean that the real "Season" hasn't started yet. This is shocking to me considering that we already have two two-hour practices and two (approximately 2 1/2 hour time commitment) games per week. Using my terrific math skills this translates into an average of nine! hours per week committed to baseball.

Why didn't someone inform me of these numbers before this conversation happened:
Eliseo: Mom, can I play baseball?
Me : Sure, that sounds fun.

Let's talk about Asians for a minute. How many times have I heard people commiserate on the amount of time Asian children have to spend on school work and music lessons. It's true, too. I've seen elementary aged kids spend 3 hours on homework and that's after they went to cram school and music lessons. If you search Youtube for children playing piano you will find a plethora of five year old Asians playing Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, etc. They have this box-like contraption under their feet that helps them use the damper pedal since their little legs swing about a foot above it. If you are a Westerner, search your Western soul for what you think about this. Does it feel like pushing a five year old to practice piano two hours a day is...excessive? It feels excessive to Westerners because it is pretty much an impossible task for us since all our children's peers don't have to do anything excessive like that and so they would naturally resent it. It works in Asian cultures because all the child's peers are spending equal amounts of time in cram schools and music lessons and because the parents can easily say, "I had to do this when I was your age!" So it is a matter of course for the Asian child.

However, I've now discovered that Asians have nothing on us Westerners when it comes to pushing kids into spending excessive amounts of time on a pursuit. Take, for example, nine! hours a week spent playing baseball in the Pre-Season. I'm afraid to see what kind of time commitments will be expected during the Season. Eliseo loves baseball so far. He feels dressed to the nines in his uniform and asks me seriously if he looks like a "real" baseball player. I love to see him having fun. He doesn't really get much exercise-most of the little league games seem to consist of the following: the pitcher pitches, the batter swings and misses or doesn't swing at all, the ball bounces off some portion of the catcher's gear, the catcher jumps up, throws off his mask to chase down the ball, throws it back to the pitcher who misses and then chases down the ball so he can pitch again. It would be annoying if it wasn't so cute and funny-but it melts my heart to see how much he loves it.

But..but..but..the life lessons he's learning in little league could be learned, IMHO, in WAAAAAAY less than nine! hours per week. These nine! hours per week, I'm pretty sure, are not going to end in a professional baseball career for Eliseo. Or even a sports scholarship. But if I could get my little Eliseo to spend nine! hours per week on academic pursuits (after school) there could be a real chance of an academic scholarship in his future. He would breeze his way through college and have his choice of careers and be set for life. But instead we are spending nine! hours per week playing little league baseball. It just seems....excessive.

I'm just being honest.

My aerobics instructor recently had breast augmentation. And I'm jealous! (In a I'm happy for her way). She looks great. Not unnatural at all, just great. Would I ever pay thousands of dollars for breast augmentation. Probably not. Would I do it if I won it in a drawing? Probably yes. I'm not entirely sure where I stand because the point is pretty much moot. If I had thousands of dollars to spend frivolously, like pocket change....hmmm....I don't know. Most likely I'd rather buy airfare to Taiwan. If I could buy all the airfare to Taiwan I wanted and still had thousands of dollars to spend frivolously, like pocket change....hm.......tempting. See? Moot.

But to be able to buy undergarments in the actual women's section like a woman and not in the 'training' section with the 10 year olds? A pleasant (and vain) dream.

An aside:
I just heard Lily ask her best friend, Eeliana, "Do you want some lemonade?" Eeliana responds suspiciously, "Is it made out of chicken blood?"

Does she know us or what?

Don't die of shock....

but I am going to post some photos.

The trampoline. Still popular, even in winter.

Rune really likes to pose with gravestones. Or Grant really likes to pose his kids with gravestones. Or I have no idea why this picture was taken or when, I just included it because I didn't have another shot of Rune.

Lily all dressed up for Chinese New Year holding her Fa Gao. She got her picture taken for the newspaper this day. That's the great thing about small town papers. You just have to dress up in Chinese New Year clothes and it's news worthy!

Taken by themselves the following three pictures seem to prove that Violet only ever wears her nightgown and that I never comb her hair.

However, if you look closely, this picture proves that I do actually dress her occasionally. Unfortunately it still proves that I never comb her hair. It also showcases Lily's fabulous optometry skills. These were big dollar glasses.

The following two photos indicate my addiction to taking close ups of Alma and his earnest blue eyes. Notice I have pretty much the same shot of him in the sidebar.

Rune found these fun sentences. Can you figure them out?

Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.

so many dynamos

Sit on a potato pan Otis.

Valentine Poetry

By Lily Smith
7 years old
(She may possibly have a future career with Hallmark)

My Little Sweetheart

I give my love a kiss,
It gave him a bliss,
I gave my love a dove,
And sparkles came from above.



My Valentine

Won't you be my Valentine?
It would be so very fine,
If you would be mine.
If you didn't I would whine.