In this season of gushy Christmas letters

I will now recap a few of the highlights of my 2010 that would not make it into a Christmas letter.

1. The day I took Lily to the wrong birthday party and left her there. With complete strangers.

Long version: Lily came home with a birthday invite to Heaven's birthday party. I put it safely in the drawer where all random papers, school notes, important things that don't have to be dealt with immediately go. Lily took it back out at some point to admire it and, of course, lost it. We were positive of the date and the place of the party, just not the time. So we bought a present and started checking the park at 10 am. Nothing. 11 am. Nothing. 1 pm. A party! I pull up and Lily immediately sees a friend. She yells, "Lizbeth!" and runs off the play. I take the present over to the present table and ask a pair of grandparents, "Is this Heaven's party?" The Grandma says, "Yes, this is the party." I ask when I should pick Lily up and she points me to another lady who is busy decorating. I ask that lady who gives me a slightly strange look and says, "An hour?" in a voice that says she's a bit confused why I would ask that. I put the look and voice down to party stress and figure it must have said on the invitation what time the party would be over and so she's wondering why I'm asking. So I go merrily on my way, amuse myself at home for a hour, then come back for Lily. As I pull up I see that there are a disproportionate number of small toddlers and adults at the party and a surprising lack of second grade girls. I sit down next to Lily who happily announces, "Heaven never came!" To her own party? Then I notice two very small children, about 3 and 1, who have special cakes with a candle in them. The mother of the kids with cakes comes to check on them and I ask, "Whose party is this?" She answers with surprise that it's Roslyn's party. I apologize profusely, she's really nice, I sort of explain the mix up but leave out the part about Grandma because I don't want to make the family feel that I'm blaming everything on poor deaf Grandma, she says she just figured Lily was Lizbeth's friend (Lizbeth happens to be cousins with Roslyn), we leave the present with Roslyn even though she's inundated with presents already and her parents are having to force her to keep opening when she really just wants to play with the first thing she opened, I try to leave discreetly, Lily loudly insists on finishing her cake, I finally manage to skulk off with Lily in tow. The end.

P.S. It turns out Heaven's party was a 4pm. And Lily has been informed that she will no longer be allowed to attend birthday parties if the invitation is lost.

2. The day I caught one of my primary students getting a drink of water out of my diva cup.

Long version: Be forewarned. If you do not know what a diva cup is then you may not want to google it because understanding this story could be very disturbing for you.

This year Eliseo has become good friends with Daniel who also happens to be one of the children in my primary class at church. Daniel comes over often. He's a cute and funny kid who has no problem making himself at home. One day, after school, as I'm puttering around the house, I wander into the bathroom on some errand and stop dead in my tracks as I see Daniel gulping water out of my diva cup which I had rinsed that morning and set on the bathroom vanity. My immediate impulse is to scream at him to stop but I perceive in the same instant the awkward situation that would result when he wants to know what is so wrong about drinking from that cup. So I stand there and cringe mightily until he is done and runs out of the bathroom then I grab the cup and put it on the highest shelf I can find. The end.

3. The day I tried to imitate my children and fell on my bottom.

Long version: We arrive at church. Late, probably. The kids, on their way to the doors, all decide to stomp on a green plastic cover thing embedded into the grass. I'm guessing it's covering some sort of lawn sprinkling controls or something. I decide it would be cute and funny if I, also, stomp on it on my way into church. So I do. And my church shoe slides right over the green plastic and I ungracefully land flat on my bottom. I would like to say that no one saw me, but I can't. Although the plus side to being late to church is that there are not AS MANY people in the parking lot to see you when you do something ridiculous.

4. The day I fell on my bottom during choir practice.

Long version: I decide that joining the ward choir would be a good bonding experience for Lily and I. It's the first day we attend. I'm at the end of the row of altos. The choir director tells us to scooch over a tad. We scooch and scooch until I scooch myself right off the small step that leads down to the piano and I fall ungracefully onto my bottom. Lily looks at me like all daughters would look at their mother when she falls on her bottom in front of the choir on the first day.

I can't wait to see what new mortifications 2011 will bring.

The Winger's slogan "Just Wing It" irritates the heck out of me. I love plays on words just as much as the next advertising slogan sucker but I believe that these plays on words should at least make a modicum of sense in the multiple contexts to which they are referring. Otherwise it is not "play" it is just silly.

I have to pass a large Wingers billboard every time I go into town. And every time it irritates me. In one context Just Wing It obviously refers to "just eat a lot of wings." So far so good. But the other context should make sense with the real meaning of the phrase which is to try something even though you are not properly sure how to carry out the action. And the action referenced to must be the action of eating the wings? I suppose you could have some sort of esoteric conversation as to the proper way to eat wings, but really, eating chicken is not something you have to wing. Most everyone has been doing it since chicken was domesticated around 100,000 years ago (Note: that is not a real fact, I made it up since Grant the archaeologist is not around to ask). This slogan really only makes sense if it is targeting babies with newly erupted teeth or long time vegetarians. People who don't have any recent experience in chicken eating and who may actually not have an idea how to properly execute the action. However, I don't think this is Wingers target audience. In which case the slogan is irritating.

And just as soon as I forget that I'm annoyed at their slogan I make the turn off into town and.... there it is: the actual restaurant. And I'm irritated all over again.

For the love of Pete can someone else please rent that billboard!

It's that time of year again

In which I begin to hate my life because it's winter.

Ode to Winter Hatred
by Sally

Snow. I hate you.
Cold. I hate you.
Frost. I hate you.
Hot Chocolate. I hate the necessity of you.
Sledding. I hate you.
Snowmen. I hate you.
Ice. I hate you.
Winter Wonderland. I think there is absolutely nothing wonderful about you at all. And I hate you.
Eileen. I hate you because it is 90 degrees where you live and I mistake extreme jealousy for hatred.
People who live between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn. I hate all of you for the same above reason.
Late October. I hate you.
November. I hate you.
December. If it wasn't for Christmas I would hate you. I almost hate you anyway.
January. I loathe you.
February. I hate and loathe you.
March. I hate you because you NEVER go out like a lamb. You are lion through and through.
Any temperature below 65 F. I hate you.
Winter. Apparently some people like you, but I don't.
I hate you.

It seems I remember one time my brother-in-law telling me that he just could not stand to put gas in his car. So he had his mom do it. At the time I thought, "What a doofus." But I completely take back my unuttered criticism because now I understand. It was The Chore That Broke The Camel's Back. My Chore is uploading pictures on the computer. Previously I said it was because I was pregnant and hated bending over, but now I know that was a lie. I just hate it, pregnant or not. So from now on I will post pictures completely sporadically. They may or may not have anything to do with what I am posting. Also, I will be posting sporadically. Oh, wait...I already do that.

I bought a piano last week and it arrived Monday. After almost 20 years of only brief exposure to pianos I am more than a bit rusty, but I have been playing happily all week nevertheless. It is 47" tall, black, shiny and I am in love with it. Right now my favorite to play is Minuet in G by Bach from his Anna Magdelena Notebook.

We've made decent progress in the house remodel. Recently finished are the floors upstairs and most of the balustrade. If you are ever considering refinishing a hardwood floor with one of those big floor sanders, I would reconsider. It turns out beautifully, but ... the dust. I don't want to talk about it.

A few weeks ago my angelic son, Alma, cut his little sister's hair. It happened while I was in the shower so I did not catch him until he had sheared her of about three fourths of her gorgeous, mid-back length hair. It was strewn all over the house and they both acted like it was great fun. Until I unleashed my fury. Of which I had a lot. Then it wasn't fun anymore. Alma was sent to bed for the rest of the day (about 10 hours) then I forgave him.

This is my very, very, very, very good friend, Lin Yu Shan. If you need something done, then ask her because she is amazing at getting stuff done.

This is Violet driving the scooter. We are not actually moving at this moment because I am taking the picture and although I do see people taking on cell phones while driving a scooter I don't think picture taking while driving a scooter would be safe. But she did love to stand in front of me and grab the handle bars just like this while I was driving. It's really a shame that fun activities like this are illegal in the U.S.A.

We stayed at Shen Ai Yi's apartment during our stay. I loved getting up in the morning and seeing Shen Ai Yi studying her scriptures. She would go on her daily walk and bring us back a sack full of mangoes for breakfast. Rune ate 3 mangoes for breakfast for a week straight. She would watch Koren drama at night and explain to me what was going on because I couldn't read the sub titles.

This is Li Hai Guang, or John. He is the head guard of the building where we used to live and where we stayed during our vacation because Shen Ai Yi lives there, too. He used to dye his hair black, but has decided to go All Natural and looks fabulous. He was so fun to talk to when we came down to the courtyard with the kids to let them play.

That is one of the really fun things about living in Taiwan. Apartment living with communal space. There are always friends and neighbors to talk to, kids to play with. This is A-mui and Oh Bwa Sa.

This is Oh Bwa Sa and Shu Mama taking the skins off shallots in preparation for the building potluck where they will cook a huge vat of dzung dz. We'll get to the building feast another day.

We were super lucky to have our visit to Taiwan coincide with Jye Ting's visit! Look at Jye Ting's muscles, he's been doing P-90 X.

And the kids run around the courtyard playing to their little heart's content in the beautiful Taiwan sunshine.

Taiwan series-food

Dr. Eric and Grant in the middle of a deep conversation while Violet stuffs her face and Rune eyes something he wants on the other side of the table.

Mia, Aliana and Johnson. Mia says the sweet and sour squid is the best and I think she probably didn't get enough because I ate most of it.

Shabu Shabu. We almost Shabu-ed ourselves into Shamu the whale. Very memorable here were the cooked, then frozen sweet potatoes, whole and in their skins. It's like vegetable ice cream! Except it doesn't drip. Awesome!

Chou dou fu (stinky tofu) and oh-a jian. This stuff is truly delicious but we could not do it justice at the moment because it was already our 4th meal of the day. However, it involves oysters so I did eat until I felt sick. And please notice my super straight hair. You can't even tell it's about 90% humidity. My gratitude for $100 straight perms knows no bounds.



Yeah, I'm still trying to fit as many oysters as I can into my over stuffed stomach. In the background is Hwei Wen, the Lin's daughter. We attended her wedding dinner many years ago and now she has two daughters who I am sure are gorgeous because Hwei Wen certainly is.

Rune concentrating hard on getting the best piece before anyone else can get it. C'mon Alexis, slap his hand!

Mandy, Kelly and Alexis were very nice and let us eat most of the food! This is Bei Jing duck and A tsai.

This is syan su ji. It is made by one of the coolest families ever. It is so yummy that Violet can't keep her shirt on. I know several of you that read my blog are slobbering right now.

John's wife and I with the salty/sweet peaches she taught me to make.

In the process of being taught and discussing the question of tsau fen versus mei dz fen. I will devour both, of course.

Here we each ate a $5 piece of sashimi along with a whole bunch of other sashimi and a bucketful of oysters. And a lot of other stuff. Shen Ai Yi is the provider of the feast but Jie Ting is the master of ordering. I think I am beginning to be noticably fatter in this picture.

An accidental picture of lichees. The lichees were a gift from Chiu Hwei and Lin Ba Ba. They warned us to watch for worms because they hadn't been sprayed but promised they were tastier than the sprayed ones. They were right.

Several great memories in this restaurant. A Thanksgiving with You Can School. Take home im-shee ordered for my birthday as a surprise from Grant when I came home from work. Or was it our anniversary? I don't remember the occasion, but I remember the im-shee! Several desperate trips for dinner when my kids were starving and I could not even bring myself to open the fridge because I was pregnant and sick. I would load the kids on the scooter, cry all the way to the restaurant and order shao long bao and dou miao. And give thanks that I lived in a country where dinner desperation doesn't have to end in PB&J or fast food. And now another great memory: lunch with Jeng Jye Mei and her sister.

Rune still has room for the watermelon after pigging down all the feng li sya chou.

In this picture I see sz gua, xiao bai tsai, bo tsai, kong xin tsai, ju swun, ku gua, qie dz, qing jiang tsai, bai luo bo, dong gua and ... okay, I'm just going stop before I start crying.

Need a fish head for the dinner's soup? Such a simple matter in Taiwan.

Need a pork stomach, intestines, fresh sausage, a pig's foot or rou pian for hot pot? Such a simple matter in Taiwan.

Wait? You don't want to cook? You just want to buy something easy and cheap but that isn't junk food? Such a simple matter in Taiwan.

I can't talk about about the fruit, it's too painful.

Wa Gwei and Mi Gao. The breakfast of champions.

I went to Taiwan for two weeks

And I didn't want to come back. Even though three of my kids were still in America. I had so much fun I didn't miss them at all. It's okay, though, because as far as I could tell they didn't miss me either. I was easily replaced by Grandma. In fact, Alma has only recently stopped calling me 'Grandma'.

In any case, if I was Cinderella my happily ever after would be to spend the rest of my life in Taiwan. I may have waxed too rhapsodic about the virtues of Taiwan and my preference for all things Taiwanese because my niece asked me, accusingly, "Are you even American?" Sorry, Beth!

Homeschooling and what I've learned about myself

Homeschooling...it's kind of a loaded subject. I've homeschooled for 3 years now and I've met those who believe public school is incompetent at best and evil at worst and homeschooling is the only way to truly educate kids and I've met those who believe homeschoolers are weirdos whose kids will grow up to be so socially retarded they will have no hope at a normal life. Of course they are both right as one can always find people at both ends of any spectrum. Of course they are also both wrong, very wrong. Most homeschoolers are very normal and well adjusted people and most public schoolers are very normal and well adjusted people. In my family we both homeschool and public school and are most certainly not well adjusted or normal people.

For quite a while I held a secret interest in homeschooling and an admiration for people who do it while at the same time considering that I did not have the guts to do it myself. That is, until we moved back from Taiwan and my oldest had a horrendous year in second grade that demolished his budding and childish self-esteem. Then I found I had plenty of guts and began homeschooling without reservation and in the face of quite a few who thought I was making a serious mistake. To be completely fair, I do not think the school system was to blame. Rune had lived in Taiwan from 3 to 7 years old. He had gone to 3 years of school in Taiwan. He was at a point where he was beginning to prefer Chinese to English. He was essentially, socially Taiwanese. However, we all blithely assumed, being American, he would have no troubles transitioning to American school and peers. In short, we were wrong. If you remember, he is also my worrier, an attribute that did not stand out in the Taiwanese culture but became a large problem here. So we started homeschooling.

I discovered quickly that I have no aptitude for homeschooling. I have no patience and essentially no desire to spend my whole morning teaching. And I have even less patience and desire to come up with things like science or art projects. If I ever tried it was always a disaster due to the toddlers and/or babies of the house considering the project an opportunity for their favorite pasttime-destruction. I rapidly gave up all pretense of being any good at homeschooling and left off "teaching" and all crafts or projects. This made Rune and I both much happier. We fell into a routine of Rune working alone and only coming to me if he had a question. When he was done I would check his work and he would correct it and we called it a day. In the beginning he naturally had a tendency to waste time and want to play and I would have to continually remind (threaten) him to keep working. Then he discovered that if he worked diligently he could be done well before lunch time and would therefore be free the rest of the day. We joined a homeschooling group that met once a week and enjoyed it a lot. It worked for us and after the first year he didn't want to go back to school and I felt he could still use some time off to be comfortable with himself before he tried public school again so we went a second year.

After the second year, I felt it was time to go back to school for several reasons. One, he was envious of his brother having friends and was beginning to miss social interactions with his peers. He didn't want to go back to school but I felt that it was not because he loved to be homeschooled but that he was afraid to "fail" at public school. I didn't want him not going to school because he was afraid of it and I really thought he had enough confidence now to do well. Second, I began to feel that academically he might suffer. He was doing well in all his workbooks and I rarely had to help him understand concepts, but (as I've mentioned) since I stink at homeschooling he definitely was lacking in things like science projects, arts and crafts, writing projects and field trips.

During this second year I began to notice that my second child was a slacker at school. He often forgot homework, his writing was atrocious and his reading below par. He blamed everything on either the teacher or me. We were supposed to keep track of everything for him and his lost homework was never his own fault. I thought how Rune worked so diligently on his own and perceived that Eliseo could benefit from the same lesson. So Rune went to school and Elie stayed home.

Hoo boy, is Elie a different child than his brother. It took him six months to learn what his brother learned in one. Namely, that if you just sit down and DO THE WORK, then it will get done and your mom will stop yelling at you and you can go play. Sure, I could have sat next to him all morning and by force of my presence he would have kept working and gotten done just fine. But I didn't want that. I wanted him to be self-reliant. I wanted him to stop thinking that his education is "the teacher's" responsibility and consider that he is the master of what he learns. He wasn't interested in that lesson and I will spare you the gory details of how I finally taught it to him, if, in fact, he has actually learned it. It remains that he now almost always finishes before noon and so he will be going back to public school after summer break.

Now, with just a month left of school I begin to reflect on what I've learned about my kids, myself and what I really think about homeschooling. This is what I've learned about myself. I am most emphatically not a good homeschooler. I don't enjoy it. I feel that if I devote as much attention as I should to the "student" that I run the risk of doing a disservice to my younger kids who, I feel, have a more legitimate claim to my attentions. I have interests-exercise, reading, studying Chinese, surfing the net etc-that I (selfishly) am not willing to relinquish in order to accompany my child all morning in his studies. Most importantly, I've learned that when it comes to teaching I am MUCH too hard on my kids. I expect them to be like myself, i.e. academically gifted and diligent. Academics was my forte. Getting A's was what I did better than almost anything else. Academics came relatively easily to me and I worked harder at it than other things because I loved to. It is satisfying to do something you are really good at and I expected my kids to have that same drive and satisfaction. Guess what, they don't. I think I may have influenced them to a certain degree and Rune may have some of it on his own but they still can't live up to my expectations. And it drives me bananas!!! I know my expectations are my own problem and I can't foist them off on my kids but it grates on me all morning to see Eliseo make mistakes that I know darn well he shouldn't be making and only makes because he chooses not to focus as diligently as I would. And (I can barely even write this) because he could care less if he gets a few problems wrong. He doesn't even do that badly, it's all me and my ridiculously high expectations that I have of myself and therefore think HE should have for HIMSELF. Really, it makes me want to scream and it's probably not fair of me to put either of us through this.

What I've learned about my kids. Rune is stronger than he thought he was. It took him much longer to find friends than he'd hoped and he had several months of feeling that he was the 'weird' kid at school, but he plodded along and didn't let it get him down and now he enjoys school a lot and has several friends. I really feel that the two years off from public school gave him the breather that he needed and the opportunity to define himself without the external pressure of peers. I don't believe every kid needs this, but he did. I've learned that Eliseo is basically Alvin the Chipmunk (this was pointed out by my sister and it is so true). He is often unfocused and can be supremely annoying and has a tendency to not listen to authority (not to be rebellious but just because he is too much interested in the fun he is having), but at the same time he is the guy everyone wants to be friends with because he is so much fun. He is the 'center' of our group of kids. If any of them have an accomplishment or some cool thing they want to share they ALL go to Eliseo first. He has proven to me that he can be diligent and has made great strides in taking charge of himself and not deferring responsibility to others.

What do I think about homeschooling? I've perused the books and my conclusion is that the very same information found in them is found in public school books. Kids have the same opportunity to learn the same information whether in homeschool or public school. What they do with that opportunity is the rub. It is undoubtedly easier for a child to slink into the corners of public school and not take advantage of this opportunity. Homeschool is an advantage in this respect. If, however, a child can be taught to teach himself then he can learn everything there is to learn from either setting. I know there are those that feel that homeschooling has the advantage of letting a child learn faster--if they are capable and so inclined. But, for myself, I don't feel that there is really any advantage in moving so far ahead of your peers. Most people will end up at the same point eventually. Kids that learn to read at two years old will not necessarily be better readers than their peers by sixth grade. They may even be surpassed by some that didn't learn to read until kindergarten because the other child may have an aptitude or an insatiable interest in reading. I lived in a culture where kids were routinely pushed to their limits and far surpassed American kids academically in grades 1-12. Interestingly, no one homeschools in Taiwan (that I know of) and yet the students there are very academically competent. This is because Taiwanese parents and teachers expect A LOT out of the students and the students, therefore, put A LOT of effort into their studies. I've known quite a few elementary students spend 4-6 hours a day on cram schools and homework after regular school was over. However, once they got into college they relaxed. They basically considered college to be a breeze, whereas Americans generally consider college to be where they are really challenged. The result being that by the end of college they are at the same point. I found Taiwanese professionals to be just as competent as Americans, not more or less. Skipping a few grades does not make a genius. A genius will come out in whatever setting they are placed. A child that is "bored" at school because it is so easy for them can be challenged at home in so many other ways by their parents. I wouldn't worry so much about skipping them ahead a grade in school, but rather encourage them with other challenges at home. Like learning a foreign language or reading a Russian author or discussing world affairs at dinner or playing a musical instrument or all of the above. Intelligence is so much more than being able to do 4th grade math in 3rd grade. I could be wrong about that, though.

Note: I forgot to mention that I do think a child may be so academically gifted that the pace of public school bores them and they will either start trouble making or will become known as the "know-it-all" and be disliked. Homeschool can be helpful to these kids because they could work at their own pace at home, finish as early as they pleased and then have free time for other pursuits.

I also feel that public school offers distinct advantages after elementary school. Not every parent can become expert in English, Spanish, Math, Chemistry, Physics, Sports, History, Computers etc. But in public school kids have an opportunity to be taught by teachers that specialize in these subjects and therefore have an opportunity to learn great things from them if they will take advantage of it. It seems easier to me to teach my kids to want to learn from those teachers and how to get the most from them rather than trying to become expert in every subject myself (which would be impossible anyway). Of course, if they are motivated enough, they can learn these things from books since the authors of the books are experts themselves. Which they may have to do anyway since, unfortunately, some teachers are as lame in the classroom as I am at home. Also, public school offers equipment that cannot be matched at home unless you are wealthy. Chemistry labs, physics labs, biology labs, access to expensive computer drafting and photography software etc. In short, I don't think I would attempt to homeschool past elementary school unless my child was having a really tough time at school or otherwise getting himself into trouble. Of course I will let my kids know that at the first whiff of illegal or morally reprehensible behavior (you know, like drugs or teenage sex) I will drag them out of school kicking and screaming and lock them in the house with a pile of homeschool books.

And thus, ends my epistle on homeschooling. I have purged my brain and feel much better.

The Garden

This post is entirely boring and written merely so I can remember what and where I planted things in my garden, because if I write it down anywhere else I will either lose it or forget where it is.

Rows listed from grass side, not fence side.

1. ta-mei hwa daikon
2. kohlrabi
3. kohlrabi
4. "Hybrid one kilo" bai tsai
5. li sun sweet cabbage
6. broad leaf mustard green/nan fong mustard green
7. san-ho mustard green
8. lettuce
9. Taichung 13 edible podded sugar pea?
10. dwarf grey sugar pea?
11. dou miao pea shoots? (totally unsure of order of peas)
12. ta-mei hwa daikon/cilantro
13. kaoshiung chang dou
14. kaoshiung chang dou
15. suhyo long cucumber (plus on thai eggplant on end)
16. hybrid tasty queen cucumber

To be continued as weather warms.

This video kills me

I don't really know why.

I like the song and it makes me giggle at the same time.

I think it sounds sort of hauntingly Wuthering Heights-ish, but it makes me giggle at the same time.

The part at the end where she is waving her arm around makes me outright laugh.

I also like to routinely imitate the part where she squats down with her arms outstretched toward the camera and then abruptly pops up and circles both arms above her head while gyrating her hips. It's how I amuse myself.

Who can find the Napolean Dynamite move? Hint: It's around 1:37.

Book Review: Finished

After 3 1/2 weeks I'm finally finished. I completely neglected my kids and house but I have no regrets. It's one of the best books I've ever read. All the while I was reading I was saying to myself, "She's almost as good as Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky [my favorite authors]." Then, when googling her, I was not entirely surprised to find that she was Russian by birth and American by choice. She's not quite as good as her fellow Russians at character development and a certain literary quaility that I define to myself as mundane clarity, at which Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky are masters. But she is definitely better than most and her philosophy is amazingly persuasive. I feel like I used to feel in college when I learned something new from someone great. How I used to feel when I learned something from Newton or Mendell--admiration for their ability to discover and pride in my ability to understand.

The book was originally described to me as political but I found it to be much more philosophical. Ostensibly, it follows the descent of America into Socialism and its destruction by its twisted moral code sped along by the voluntary removal of men of ability from society. Underneath, the novel is a vehicle for the declaration of her personal moral philosophy which is what gave the characters a bit of an allegorical feel. She's a brilliant essayist but almost as brilliant at fiction as she made a very powerful love story out of logical thinking scientists and industrialists.

I said before that it seemed she was saying that the only honest and true thing was industrialism but by the end she goes way beyond that to proclaim that the highest values are human achievement and human self-esteem.

She changed several of my opinions that I'd believed I solidly held, she also strengthened others by naming and clarifying the reasons behind them. One of her surprising feats is that she strengthened and clarified the principles of my religion even though she was vehemently opposed to organized religion. Not so surprising, though, if you go by the tenet that truth supports truth. A tenet I think she would agree with as one of her philosophical absolutes is that A=A, or exsistence exists. Another surprise is that although she demolished, for the most part, my Socialist leanings, her philosophy of government supports my endorsement of a government health care system and explains why it has worked in other free countries. I don't know if she would agree with that. :)

In conclusion, if you want to be wowed by a piece of literature and can afford to vacate yourself from life for about a month then read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

Disclaimer: Several of my co-book clubbers thoroughly disliked the book and didn't continue to read it after the first third. One was already passionately a lazy fair capitalist (I know I spelled that wrong, I just like to) and felt the book was overkill on opinions she already held. However, I think she gave up too early as the book goes far beyond pro-capitalism/anti-Socialism into a complete philosophy on the morality of life. Plus the plot just gets more interestingly action thrillerish as the book goes on. Another, couldn't go past some early disturbing references to sex. Again, I think she gave up too early as these early disturbing references were made not to endorse their smuckiness but to later pinpoint their disturbingness. Although, I will say that I, also, am not a fan of sex in literature and that while I can see the necessity of the references to her point, those references could have been more vague to the same effect.

Book Review: Atlas Shrugged

This is the book I'm reading for book club this month. It's 1100 pages so it's debatable whether I will finish it on time. It is, apparently, a classic, although I've never heard of it before. Which only means I'm hopelessly uninformed because it absolutely reads like a classic.

The forward, written by some Ayn Rand expert, mentions that she believes strongly in objectivism. I'm not sure what that entails yet, because he also warns that if you continue reading the forward it will ruin the book by revealing its surprises. So I didn't read any more of the forward. But I'm looking forward to reading it in the future because I am interested in what Ayn Rand is getting at in her book. She very obviously has an agenda. She is an excellent writer so her characters are complex enough to be real, and yet they have the box-y feel of an allegory.

So far, I disagree strongly with her seeming premise, which ,as far as I can tell, is that the only real and honest thing is industrialism. Progress. The unabashed quest for money. Her best characters belong in this camp. Her weak and pitiable characters are in the camp of philanthropy and social consciousness. And yet they aren't, because it's apparent that they only give lip service to those ideals. Truly, they desire power and money as much as the strong characters, but they are too weak to be true to the "industrial ideal" and their sin lies in the fact that they hide their jealousy and weakness behind a false "good of society" attitude.

The allegory seems to follow an Adam Smith path. Namely, "by pursuing his own interest, [the individual] frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he intends to promote it."

In other words those who claim to promote the interest of society are hypocrites and will cause harm to society in the end. And those who openly operate on the principle of self-interest ultimately further the good of society and are the better people because they are true to their natures.

However, I am only 100 pages into the book. Which means I still have 10/11 ths of the book to read, which means that I fully expect that Ms. Rand is not so predictable that she would allow me to figure out the whole premise of the book in the first 100 pages and that I will have to change my opinion in the future.

To be continued.......

In honor of Valentine's Day

I would now like to recount the touching story of Grant's and my engagement.

Grant had made it clear many times that he would like to get married. And though I loved him and we'd talked of marriage in our future I had made it clear that I wasn't ready to go there (as in engagement) yet. You see, getting engaged was just embarrassing. BYU was over for the regular school year and I was off to Texas for a 10 week Molecular Biology camp thingie. Grant and I tearfully said our goodbyes for the duration of the summer. Then my mother came to Utah (I can't remember why) and we were driving to my grandparent's house. Mom, like all moms, dug for details on my life and I confessed that Grant and I would probably get married, maybe December.... Then, Mom proceeded to tell me how summer is such a better time. More people could attend, weather wouldn't be an issue, there is only a two week Christmas vacation between semesters, etc., etc. In the end I agreed to get married in the summer. Let me make this abundantly clear. My mother talked me into getting married. We got to my grandparents house, I called Grant and said, "Um, do you want to get married this summer after I get back from Molecular Biology camp." And Grant said, "Are you serious?" And that was how it happened. I know you are all reeling from the romanticism.

Now, before you go and feel all guilty, Mom, I would like to assert that Grant is very happy for your intervention.
Hee hee.

Hooray for leaky borders!

Yeah, I know the economic problems caused by the influx of our Southern neighbors and that's not so great. But, on the other hand, the vast increase in the numbers of Mexicans in our country means we now have a prayer of getting decent food, even in rural America. I found pig's feet at our local (extremely) small town supermarket and fixed them for dinner. It was a good day.

P.S. If you're not jealous, you should be.

My son is the most paranoid kid on the planet

It's true. Here is just a bit of proof.
1. He can't go to sleep without a night light and he must have something playing on the CD player.
2. He wakes up multiple times in the night to a) check on Grant and I to make sure we are still there and not dead and b) to turn the CD player back on.
3. If Grant or I go anywhere he badgers us mercilessly to state the exact amount of time we will be gone. We always refuse to answer such a ridiculous request. Then, after we are gone for about 10 minutes, he begins to badger the other parent. "Don't you think Dad should be back by now?" "Don't you think we should call Mom on the cell phone?"
4. If anyone in the family gets sick he is afraid they have cancer.
5. etc....

This is a trial for me because I am not a worrier. I have no patience for needless and fruitless worrying and it drives me bananas. It is apparently a family trait because his Smith grandparents are also worriers. They have worrying down to a science. Or an art. However you want to look at it. Their worrying also drives me bananas. But they are my in-laws and so they are allowed to be quirky. And plus I usually don't have to live in the same house with them. But Rune...his constant worrying, day in and day out, I don't know how to deal with!

Usually I deal with it badly.
Rune: Mom, when you take Lily to the dentist the roads might be slippery. Are you going to drive slowly? Because there might be black ice on the road and if you drive too fast you could crash. Are you going to take the cell phone? Is the number still xxx-xxxx? etc. etc.
Mom: No, I'm not going to drive slowly or carefully. First, I'm going to tear out of the driveway like a bat out of .... (sudden pause)
Dad: Out of a cave.
Mom: Yeah, like a bat out of a cave. (getting into the story) And I'm going to gun it all the way to the dentist and careen around the corners. (starts giggling) And I'm going to slam on the brakes when I get there and the van will slide to a stop just millimeters from the door.
Dad: And then she's going to rev the engine as loudly as she can. (makes loud revving noises)
Mom and Dad: (laugh hysterically at the image of me aggressively revving the Caravan engine outside the dentist office)
Rune: (the beginnings of a smile, but still looking worried) You're not really, are you?

And then sometimes I deal with it very badly.
Mom: Rune, if you keep worrying about everything all the time then all the unneeded stress will shorten your life span.
Rune: Mom! Don't tell me that! Now I have to worry about dying early if I don't stop worrying!

And trying to be reasonable doesn't help at all. If you have ever tried to reassure a worrier then you know that it is completely useless.
Mom: If something happened to Dad then the police or the hospital will call, so since we haven't heard anything then he's probably okay.
Rune: I know.
Mom: You know that worrying doesn't help anything. It can't prevent anything bad from happening.
Rune: I know.
Mom: You know that if you don't worry you will feel happier.
Rune: I know.
Mom: You know that Dad always drives carefully and, anyway, he has 4 wheel drive.
Rune: I know.
Mom: So there's no reason to worry and no point to it, okay? Let's be happy, okay?
Rune: Okay. But do you think we could call him on the cell phone?

Ah, Rune. My eleven year old worry wart. So full of worry and insecurity. And yet, at the same time, so brave and determined to forge ahead despite his fears.

I'm really proud of him, after all.

I feel sorry for myself again

because the house up the street, which has 4 beds, 2 baths, a .3 acre yard and irrigation rights recently went into forclosure and Grant's co-worker bought it for 65K. Ah well, such is life, right?

But on the bright side, one day in the future, at a distant family reunion, with grandkids listening raptly I will tell the tale of when we crammed ourselves into a one bedroom house and the awesome family togetherness it fostered. But not how I threatened the kids with death and mayhem EVERY night to go to sleep because they won't stop talking and giggling due to the fact that they are all the same room.

I felt sorry for myself

because my family of seven people are currently living in a one bedroom, one bathroom house.






But I've changed my mind. Suddenly, I feel very rich and blessed to have my one bedroom and one bathroom.

The ceiling just fell down.

Just kidding!

Ha Ha! I really, really, super hope someone fell for it. Especially Felipe!

Two posts a week

That's the challenge issued to me by my sister, who is both competitive and currently bored. It's okay. I like blogging. It makes me feel important and validated, like the whole whole world is the audience and I'm center stage. Never mind that a large chunk of the world does not have access to the internet. Or that the rest of the world that does have access to the internet doesn't care and just wants to be left alone and not bothered by my blog blathering. There is an atom of humanity that reads my blog (okay it's a hydrogen atom) and it makes me feel important and validated.

Now onto the subject that I need to feel validated about. My house remodel. It's extremely messy and disruptive. Not to mention costly. The plaguing question is: Will, in the end, I consider the money spent to be worth the extra space (the remodel in question is refinishing of basement and attic)? Or will, in the end, I consider that I should have just dealt with my small space for the 3-4 years we will live here and saved a bundle of money? Factor in the consideration that this house only cost 77K and my mortgage is only 300 per month. (There are some advantages to living in a rural area!) So the extra money not being spent in a large mortgage is being spent on a remodel instead of being saved. And the homebuyer tax credit will be spent on the remodel instead of being saved. Grant is all for the remodel because he likes to do that stuff and because he doesn't care how much money we spend on anything. I'm the tightwad around here and my tightwad cells are cringing right now. Of course, we bought so cheaply precisely because we calculated that we could expand our space for less money than buying a larger house. But after moving in I start to think, Hey, this isn't so bad. We can live in a two bedroom house for a few years and save X amount of money! Okay, I know you hydrogen atoms are shocked that I am cramming my family of 7 into a two bedroom house, but that's the addiction I have to saving money! But, this week, we have crossed the point of no return. A wall has been torn out, a structural beam is replacing it, and now we are down to one bedroom and Grant and I are sleeping in the living room. We may, occasionally have a privacy issue with that and so the remodel will go forth. And I will spend the next few months in a constant state of cringe at the money exiting the bank accounts.

But, Grant has given up Coke as a New Year's resolution (again) so I have a partner in misery. At least for a few weeks.